14 days and counting...

This empty nest thing is not easy. I find myself doing things and feeling like I am missing something. Missing doing the "mommy" things. It's been 14 days since I said goodbye to her and we have not been able to hear from her since the 10th.(she's on her wilderness backpacking trip with Calvin somewhere in the Rockies!)She doesn't get back to campus until the 22nd so we have to be patient...

My husband and I went to his cousin's house and spent a wonderful afternoon by the pool watching their 2 little ones jump in and out of the water. Perhaps it was these moments that have triggered a flood of memories. "Mommy...mommy...can you come in the water with me?" "Mommy, piggy back on your back?"

The little girl is almost 6 and the little boy close to 3. I remembered our beach outings (that were a huge production-packing up everything imaginable just in case we needed it.) The Palm Desert weekends spent lounging in the pool...Ah...yes! Those WERE the days.

Fast forward to yesterday and you can see me sitting on the couch watching another episode of my favorite interior decorating show called Freestyle...The dishes were done, the laundry caught up. Tippy sat nearby as I pondered on the moment. With a whole day ahead of me and a list of exciting things to do with my free time, I chose to sit there...just sit there.

Am I so down and sad that I could be considered depressed? What's happening to me?
I didn't want to call my husband at work to tell him just how paralysed and unmotivated I was feeling so I just sat there. I then decided to finally take down the graduation memorial that I had made on top of the entertainment center. I carefully took Stina's diploma, graduation program and everything else and put them away up in her closet. After cleaning off the surface, I sat back down and considered putting it all back...what was I thinking? Was I ready to put it away? Ugh!

I managed to eventually make dinner and work on some school assignments...my day was almost done and I felt like I hardly accomplished anything. Last night, I prayed that I would wake up with a more positive attitude and that I would have a more productive day. My morning didn't start off too well as the PMS hormone monster got a hold of my emotions....But--I resolved to take control.

After my coffee, I made my list of things to do for today in my planner and decided to post my thoughts here first. The sun is out today (unlike yesterday's gloomy day)
so I will seize it with all my might...

The daisy I brought from Michigan is still in the vase and beginning to wilt...however, the plant is in the ground and growing!

This is what my awesome wrote about in her Blog when the daisy plant got "uprooted"...the analogy is perfect. So, in a way, I brought the little plant back here to California from Michigan and it symbolically represents my daughter...

Read on...I hope this blesses you like it blessed me:
now, i have made an observation today, and i'd like to share it... i'm not quite sure how long it is going to get, but here it goes.

"...you know the analogy of God kind of being like a gardener? i personally never got in to that analogy since i actually never understood the analogy. and i don't think many people do becuase 1)they aren't gardeners themselves or 2)they don't know any gardener's like the lady that i'll be staying with.

let me start off by saying that this landscape is amazing... different types of plants, trees, flowers, fruits, bushes, and so on... beautiful lawn, beautifully arranged, growing, in progress... just an awesome garden. but that's not what is impressive. she gave us a tour of the entire property (which you can see is rather large). we walked through the gardens and landscape and showed us each plant... and not only did she name each plant, but she went through all the details: some plants attract certain animals (butterflies, humming birds), some plants attract certain unwanted animals so need to be protected or kept an eye on (whether it be fence or netting or some contraption)... some plants she has had a hard time with getting them to grow, but are finally showing progress, there are some plants that she explained won't grow in certain places, but she found other places to put them. there are some trees that she has planted as little twigs, but she talks about what she wants them to be many many years from now. there is even a certain plant that she has to keep picking japanese beetles off of because they just love to eat those roses. each plant had a minimum 5 minute story, and it was amazing listening to her talk about her plants! she knew what each plant needed, the location of each plant, and she had a pretty good idea of what would become of each plant. at the end, she pointed to this one bush of flowers, said that they grow like crazy and my mum could easily plant it back in CA... really? yes... in fact, she was so sure of it, and wanted to share this plant, so she pulled up one flower, roots and all, and put it in a ziploc bag for my mum to take home with her!

would you agree that she is one incredible gardener? a passionate, skilled gardener?

how much greater, then, is God? God is THE gardener... He is the best, the perfect gardener.

think about it, and as i did, it just absolutely blew my mind. God, the gardener, knows exactly what we, the plants in the garden, need. each of us has a purpose, and have been planted with a purpose. although we may undergo some troubles, rough patches, attacks, God always takes measures to protect us, to bring us back to life, to help us keep growing. some, we may not see what our future looks like, what's in store, we may just be little twigs now, but God is envisioning us becoming these big trees, or whatever he has us planned to be... you get the point? we are all different, different needs, different plans... but God covers all of that and more.

here's what i related to most today...

some of it is going to hurt... whether it be japanese beatles eating out petals, or whether it being uprooted and replanted somewhere else...

uprooted, planted somewhere else.

when i saw this lady just pull up that flower and hand it over, complete confidence that it could grow and thrive across the country, it clicked.

i saw myself in that little yellow flower. i saw myself kind of being ripped out of the ground and planted somewhere else (i know the analogy is not complete because i get to come back and visit, but stretch it with me). God has complete faith that i can grow and thrive here in grand rapids, MI. the past few days i've been thinking about it more and more, wondering and wondering, and i haven't felt at complete peace yet...in fact, i've been more nervous than ever.

but you know what, God has faith in me... the great Gardener has planted me here, more or less for some time, because He knows it's where i can grow... His faith, in me... what more do i need?

so ya, that's what i've discovered."