5,344 miles from a hug...
Sometimes, all I really need is a hug and tonight I wish I could reach out and get one from Steven. (He's in Japan)
I miss him so much.
Monday, March 26, 2007
Friday, March 23, 2007
At this moment...
It's late. It's hard to hold in all the thoughts about my life as a mom at this moment. My daughter reminded all of us yesterday that she would be leaving for college in 102 days.
Graduation is "only" 85 days away....Can it be? It seems like yesterday when I walked her to her first day of school. With her purple backpack and lunch box and Pocahontas hi-tops. I have that picture posted right next to her senior portrait....what a contrast.
I imagine that most moms struggle with letting go of their daughters too....but this does not make me feel any better at this moment. For a long time now, our relationship has been so different. Adolescence has somehow changed it. I am the same but she's not. The world tells me that this is "normal" and a part of her learning to let go....a way of distancing herself before the real good bye....yet, it still feels hard to take and understand.
I still see the little girl who looked at me with big brown eyes in constant adoration....I was everything as she was to me. Now, I find myself reminiscing about all the hugs and kisses and prayers said at night. The park, the Cinderella castle, playing with Barbie and snuggling....then little be little, it all changed...just like the time when I went to tuck the marshmallow man in with my son and he said "No, mom...I don't need him anymore" the night came when "bunny" wasn't tucked in close to her with the blankie...
Years, time.....memories. With every careless word I cringe in loneliness and utter sadness.
I feel like she's already gone even though she is still here....
at this moment.
It's late. It's hard to hold in all the thoughts about my life as a mom at this moment. My daughter reminded all of us yesterday that she would be leaving for college in 102 days.
Graduation is "only" 85 days away....Can it be? It seems like yesterday when I walked her to her first day of school. With her purple backpack and lunch box and Pocahontas hi-tops. I have that picture posted right next to her senior portrait....what a contrast.
I imagine that most moms struggle with letting go of their daughters too....but this does not make me feel any better at this moment. For a long time now, our relationship has been so different. Adolescence has somehow changed it. I am the same but she's not. The world tells me that this is "normal" and a part of her learning to let go....a way of distancing herself before the real good bye....yet, it still feels hard to take and understand.
I still see the little girl who looked at me with big brown eyes in constant adoration....I was everything as she was to me. Now, I find myself reminiscing about all the hugs and kisses and prayers said at night. The park, the Cinderella castle, playing with Barbie and snuggling....then little be little, it all changed...just like the time when I went to tuck the marshmallow man in with my son and he said "No, mom...I don't need him anymore" the night came when "bunny" wasn't tucked in close to her with the blankie...
Years, time.....memories. With every careless word I cringe in loneliness and utter sadness.
I feel like she's already gone even though she is still here....
at this moment.
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