Ready or not...it's almost time

It's late and I am sitting in my office staring at this screen....pausing with every word. The house is quiet. My daughter is in her room also on her laptop updating her blog...I know she's sad but she won't reach out to me... and with that realization, I try not to feel too sad-hurt-too down.

This must be the way she is preparing herself for the inevitable goodbye when we leave her in Michigan...right?

My husband is probably watching TV upstairs...3 people, in 3 different rooms, doing 3 different things...

Flash back 5 years...all the boys were home and Stina was 13! We had a house full, that's for sure...I can remember the constant noise of a house full of kids, the TV, the phone...the friends coming and going...the music of the guitars, the drums, the flute and the saxophone...me in the kitchen making dinner...doing dishes...an endless litany of activities...
Saying goodnight would take as much as 20 minutes and sometimes even a half hour....oh, those good nights...the talks...the hugs and the kisses.

Now, I sit in a room I call an office that once was Stina's room...then the boys' room...then just Steven's room...now, my room of books. Memories fill this room...the sweet goodnights and prayers whispered in the dark...the giggles, the hugs, the smiles too. Now, my future waits in the midst of school books, papers and notes...pictues silently call to me from my bulleting board...pictures of family and friends.

So what happened? Time has passed much too quickly. I sit here with a heavy heart...trying not to get too far ahead of myself...and wishing I could just hug my daughter the way I used to and know that she felt better.

To be a mother is priceless...but it also hurts at times like this...because with all the love comes all the pain too...sometimes, I don't think my heart can take it and somehow I always make it.

God has been so good to me....so good. Blessings abound! I pray for grace and peace as I prepare for my next step in life.